Wednesday, August 27, 2008

i speak six languages.

i've been in constant email contact with hong kong disneyland all summer long. most of the emails have been gramatically correct. the most recent email was a little bit on the cryptic side. once i recieved my work visa, i emailed my contact at hkdl to see if anyone else was coming from nyc. here was her response:

Dear Jermaine,

There’s no performer fly out from New York as you do.
I am arranging the flight ticket for you at this moment and your departure date is 6 Sep 2008 probably. The itinerary will send to you soon.


not so horrible but still really funny. i leave next saturday at 255pm.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

"no lazy smurfs in my camp!!"

one of my favorite choregraphers/reality stars/crazies is black in action!!


she's been the bad boy resident choreographer for the last few seasons of "making the band", and during making the band 4, diddy and laurie ann got into a notorious argument, ending the laurie ann/diddy/bad boy relationship. we thought.

this past week's episode was completely centered around laurie ann returning to choreograph the guys group, day 26, for their upcoming tour, but the boys were afraid that she'd leave and not finish the job.

it was so obvious that she was coming back. first of all, i saw her at ripley-grier this past winter before a rehearsal with day 26, with an entourage and camera crew. second of all, she's the star. she's so ridiculous. she's ratings in a blue leotard and a sensible hair weave.

i love her.

Monday, August 18, 2008

well, i got it!!

jane?! jane?!! it's official. i'm going to china!!! i just recieved confirmation that my visa has been approved. i'm leaving on a jet plane in three weeks!!

now i just need to:

-lock in a subletter

-buy some luggage (i don't think my puma bag will hold 6.5 months of clothing/toiletries/various sundries, let alone the small asian i'm bring back to the states with me.)

-clean my room

-have a sick going away party

i have two weeks left at work, which is both exciting and strange. i'm going to miss my becco family, but those clowns will have to put up with me for at least another 85-90 hours, so no tears yet.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

you can take them girls out tha ghetto...

so, it's been reported by numerous sources that nikki blonsky (hairspray: the movie, choreographed by my favorite d-bag, adam schenkman) and bianca golden (antm cycle: salesha) and their families went heads up over seats in the airport lounge in the turks-cairos airport.

okay, let's break this down.

first of all, what are the odds that they're all on this flight?
second of all, nikki's douchebag father is out on a reduced bail. i guess inflicting "grievous bodily harm" is more socially accepted in the caribbean islands, which would explain his bail going from 50k to 3k. bitchassness.
third of all, i wouldn't want to fuck with either one of these girls, let alone their (obviously) crazy families. i mean, let's call a spade a spade. they're all normal girls who got a break. you can take a girl out of her after-school job at coldstone, throw her in a high-budget movie musical starring queen latifah and zefron (work and work), unglue her weave, give her a fresh fade, then help her realize her ridiculous high-fashion appeal, but you absolutely can NOT take away her innate survival tactics. (read: you fuck with me, i'll fuck you up. so will my family. down.)

apparently, if you do fuck with me, you'll walk away in handcuffs, a neck brace, and/or airlifted back to the united states.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

a case of the mondays.

ugh. my weekend is officially over. saturday is my monday, which i think is really weird.

bernie mac was died this morning, due to complications from pnuemonia. he was one of my favorite comedians. i love, love, love "the bernie mac show". i think he's so brilliant, and his clean comedy is just as funny as the adult stuff. (ocean's eleven, anyone?) he'll be sorely missed.

the "so you think you can dance" finale was soooo good. there were so many hits from start to finish.

dvr alert:

wednesday, 8/13 - making the band 4, season 3. the bands go on tour. (i'm still waiting on a laurie ann sighting. the bad boy machine can't go on without her.)

please download "wake up call" by hayden panettiere. just do it.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

brooke hogan's dad

i've always been a hulk hogan fan. even back in the wwf days, i thought he was so badass.

...until brooke got this fucking reality show. as sure as i'm sitting here, he's rolling over to their apartment with his ridiculous friend (who's wearing a tshirt that reads "nasty knobs".) why is hulk showering at brooke's? why is he walking into glen's room wearing a hand towel with red tighty-whities underneath?

i need an adult.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

i love new york.

she's baaaack! one of my favorite reality tv starlets is black in action. tiffany pollard, aka, NEW YORK is back, you guys. her new show, New York Goes To Hollywood, premieres tomorrow, august 4th at 10pm. (don't worry, the dvr is already set.) i will put down my haterade because i have to give credit where credit is due. tiffany has parlayed her search for love into a permanent fixture in VH-1's lineup. i mean, she's celebreality gold!! let's count the ways:

-flavor of love season 1 finalist. (read: loser)
-flavor of love season 2 consultant/finalist. (read: loser...again. she came back looking so snatched and made no bones about telling the truth. she let those girls have it at that photo shoot. my girl, boots, was NOT living for her.)

then here's the gotcha- gotcha:

SPINOFFS!!! i love new york season 1 was such a hit that they brought the shit back for a second season, and it was vh-1's highest rated show. why? because this whore brings the drama. because she's crazed. because she drinks goose and cran (sans ice) DOWN. because SISTER PATTERSON smoke kools like a ridiculous texas black. because tiffany has some of the best soundbites ever. ("there's something really GUTTERBUTT about nibblez.")

didn't she own a few family dollar stores in upstate ny before this all started? hmm...

it's so good.

work, bitch.

Friday, August 1, 2008

like celie, i'm here.

i took the plunge. i started a blog.

wednesday night, after an unsuccessful rainbow tour of the east village, mario and i found ourselves wasted at the new venus diner on 23rd and 8th. as we were inhaling our swiss bacon burgers, a girl at the table behind us was being questioned by her homegirl, james. he was asking her if he really wanted to have her baby, especially without a baby daddy. she said she was keeping it, then proceeded to being telling her friends' business, saying how 'tamika' has had two abs already (abs = abortions.), and bonqueesha had this many, and this antandra had already had this many and is still having a baby. i was thinking two things: why is she telling everything to everyone? and two: are abortions still this common place? im not trying to get on a political platform (at all), but that issue is just so far removed from my friends. having to take someone to "the clinic" is never an issue nor is it an appropriate topic for late night patter at the diner. (ESPECIALLY over swiss bacon burgers...the nerve of some folks.)

thinking back, i'm sure people who've sat within earshot of me and my friends at basically any meal (chilis in bloomington or at dallas bbq in times square) have heard some really fucked up/funny things.

whatever, i'm getting cheese fries.

lady gaga's performance on sytycd was pretty fierce.